When I was younger, more naive, and slightly thinner, I used to think of every break up as an exciting new chapter in my adult life. Like a kitten licking her wounds, I would heal my little broken heart or talk myself out of the guilt of breaking someone else's by assuring myself that this just meant that I was *that much* closer to meeting the perfect guy. That everything up until the moment I met *that guy* and spent the rest of my quirky comedy-esque life with him was just the back story...just molding me more into the person that would so perfectly fit that particular guy who would present himself to me at the exact moment I was ready for it.
I tried doing that today. It didn't work.
I just ended things with the guy I'd been dating since New Years Eve. He was cool and cute, but I found myself wanting to be alone a lot. The truth is, I'm happy being alone. I don't like having to consider someone else's feelings right now. My best girl friend is my confidant and makes me laugh like a goon. My cats greet me happily when I come home and cuddle up to me at night. My sister is always a phone call away on the rare occasions I need to cry to someone about some petty thing. I haven't felt the pangs of loneliness in so long...years maybe?
Have I become a cynic? Jaded? Depressed? No, I don't think so. I think I'm just a realist now that I'm older, wiser, and ten pounds heavier. Every movie I see where there's a couple that's unhappy and bickering (including Paranormal Activity...because that couple was seriously fucking annoying), or every mom blog I read where there's a complaint about a lazy husband (no matter how in-jest the complaint is), I think to myself "thank fucking god I'm single".
I don't want to be a single girl stereotype. I can't think of one reason to pity myself, and being lucky enough not to be trapped in a relationship that I'm not happy with would be a dumb place to start. I just can't, for the life of me, think of a good reason to be in a relationship right now.
Have you ever felt this way? What changed it? Or do you STILL feel that way? I feel like this is some weird revelation that's going to make me a much happier person...until I'm 40 and alone and wishing I had married a nice but boring dude whom I didn't even give a chance in my 20's.