It's sad though, and I can't seem to shake it even though it's been over for a couple weeks, and we haven't spoken since our last misguided attempt at staying friends that involved too much tequila on my part and ended with anger and frustration on his.
He reminded me of so many people in my life that I want to fix, and that's really my main problem with relationships of all kind, I think. I'm drawn to the flawed ones. I like when they need TLC and comfort. I want to make things better and provide normalcy (as if I even have it to offer), and I've realized this through therapy, that it's always been my role to make things better, to soothe, to fix with a joke and to change myself to suit the manic person's mood. My mother - it all started there, but it's moved from her to the guys I choose to love. This one in particular though, I hadn't felt this way about someone in years.
It's difficult to see myself as the antagonist in this story because I really did want it to work out, but I know he's definitely not the villain, and since I see everything as a narrative, doesn't one of us have to be? Can't the fact that we're both flawed be the antagonist? That we've both spent our lives as sensitive people who can't help but be affected by other peoples personalities, reactions, and flaws. That just living our lives has turned us into people who have a hard time with relationships...well can't that be the antagonist of the story, and he and I, the innocent victims, well can't we be the heroes? I like the story better that way.
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14 comments:
Well, buddy gets points for coming clean about fucking his ex-girlfriend, but unfortunately not enough points to overcoming fucking his ex-girlfriend.
And don't pick on yourself for going for the flawed ones. It's the flaw that makes them interesting.
(Unless that flaw is fucking the ex-girlfriend, of course.)
Fish, sea, etc., etc.
(My flaw is verb/tense agreement, app. When are you getting a preview button on this thing?)
Captrenault - Thanks dude, your comments always make me laugh and/or smile.
I'd say that there normally isn't a good guy and a bad guy in life, but I think fucking his ex-girlfriend probably makes him the villain.
Georgia,
I've been following your blog for some time. I felt compelled to comment on this one.
I think, I know, you're not alone in the desire to bring TLC and comfort (as you put) into a relationship. I would be more inclined to say that we love to see the potential in a person and convince ourselves that we can help him/her achieve that potential, be it emotionally or otherwise.
Unfortunately, the only way most people can actually do that is on their own.
I guess it's always good to see the truth--what's not working--before we get too involved. Of course, usually it's too late.
Your post, as always, was wonderful. Thank you.
This is going to sound trite, but I'm sorry it didn't work out, and this is a beautiful post.
(See? But I mean it.)
It sounds like we have similar cases of "bad dating fortunes due to basically external forces" -- I think mine's a result of a karmic imbalance that gives me amazing parking luck, but a hard time finding a nice lady.
Derek - To be fair, we hadn't established ourselves as exclusive, so I don't think he was at fault per se, although it bummed me out in a major way for obvious reasons.
Tristan - Yes! The potential thing is precisely it. But yeah, I've realized my own potential on my own, so why would I expect anyone to do something other than that? I guess I just want to try to right all the shitty wrongs they've had to deal with, ya know? Luckily I know when relationships are a lost cause and am able to walk away. Thanks for your lovely comment.
Diary - Not trite at all. It's very sweet, actually.
Jon - I would gladly trade my good parking luck (which I have in spades, for some reason) with better love-life luck. Too bad you don't live in LA, we could combine our parking luck and start a valet business or something.
*hugs from the other side of the world*
Everyone finds it hard to find someone good for them. But for those who themselves are awesome (like you) finding an equal is tough. Hang in there :-)
Oh and "start a valet business" sounds like it _should_ be a euphemism for something, but probably isn't
"You wanna.. uh... you know... uhh... park some other people's cars?"
alas, the villainous bleeding heart strikes again... the protagonist becomes the antagonist...
That's one way of rationalizing it but it sounds like it's not working. People can grow apart for all kinds of reasons. My handiest cliché is 'different strokes for different folks.'
This story is so similar to my own recent story. Except, he didn't fuck his ex-girlfriend. (At least, I don't think he did.)
My rationalising was the same. We were both flawed; that's the reason it didn't work. I need to fix broken people; he didn't want to be fixed.
So I can relate to this.
(Thanks, Georgia. Coming from you, that's high praise indeed.)
Perhaps this is less of a Man vs. Man narrative, and more of a Man vs. Nature... in this case, human nature. Sort of two Man vs. Self stories that happen to have intertwined plot-lines. It sucks. it always does. And all of the well wishes and cliche inspirational statements, while very likely to be true, never seem to ease the pain or solve the problem.
Just remember, Georgia... there are plenty of other cookies in the bakery. Keep looking, and you'll find the right one.
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