Sometimes I feel too young to already have a past. Sure I have my childhood and all the stories that I've accumulated since then - the deaths, births, heartbreak and joy. But sometimes that feels like it's just an accumulation of emotions, so that one day, when I reach a certain point, I'll be ready to face my REAL future with maturity.
But then I watch videos like this time lapse one of San Francisco, and I think to myself "I had a life there once." It's my past now. Three and a half years of my life that I'll never experience again. It was three and a half years spent in a city that was new to me, with a man who I'll never know so intimately again, and his child who will never be my stepdaughter, as I used to wish so hard that she would become.
There are so many things I've been wanting to blog about this week, but my thoughts just won't get straight in my head. I want to tell you about all the exciting things that have been happening since we posted our McNuggetini video on You Tube, but I can't let myself voice them yet.
I want to write about my camping trip with my dad, and tell you about what it's like to be the product of a divorce, but I don't have the right prose for that yet.
I want to show you photos of my apartment - of the joy it brings me as I fix it up and make it my home - but the photos just aren't turning out quite right - they aren't showing what I see when I look around at the place, and picture it in my mind.
I wish I could tell you all about the guy I've been dating for the past couple months, but even I don't know what to say about that yet - I'm happy when I'm around him though, I can tell you that much.
I'll get to all that though. Just please know that I'm itching to tell you all about how exciting everything has been, and to tell you the stories about my life that make up my past, but have also made me into the person who can't wait for her future. So be patient with me.
4 comments:
Gorgeous pictures! Can't wait to hear your stories, when the time is right.
Sounds like big things are happening with this video and maybe with your personal too (?).
Wow 55,000 views on the video - very cool! I tried to do my part by twittering/facebooking/friendfeeding the video when you first mentioned the completed video.
Do look forward to hearing about the stories you have to tell when you're ready to post them.
I am patient supreme. I love the pics! Your stories sound good! I can't seem to focus all my thoughts as of late--even though I still post, they just aren't quite doing it for me...
I like how you explain what you WANT to write about--I think you've done this before--but with some creativity (the recognition of having a past) within a post about creative frustration.
hey there! i was the girl who almost helped u at barnes & noble the other day. haha now i get why u guys were asking for that book. i just saw a thing about it on perez. craziness. i love that food blog. it was nice to meetcha! :)
~joy~
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