I have a confession to make. It's something I'm a bit embarrassed about, even though I told myself I was partly doing it so I could blog about it. I guess that may have been an excuse though, because it started sometime in May and ended (badly) in August, yet I still haven't gotten around to writing about it. Don't judge me now, okay? Promise? Pinky swear? Alright, here goes: for a little over two months, I was a member of an online dating site, and even went out with about six dudes that I met through that site.
I'm still single, so I guess you can surmise how well that endeavor turned out. I was a bad blogger and didn't take detailed notes or record any specifics in order to document the undertaking...hell, I don't even remember all of the dude's names, having only gone on more than one date with two of them.
My first Internet date was with a cute, older graphics designer who looked strikingly like a fit Simon Pegg. He was one of the first guys to contact me after I created my profile, which I wish I had saved cause, god damn, it was witty. A cute user pic and a the blanks filled in with "earth", "wind" and "pizza" in the required user description of "I am *blank*, *blank* and *blank*" assured me a slew of nerdy dudes vying for my attention.
I couldn't believe how nervous I was before this first date, considering I had gotten to know this guy over numerous emails for a week or two beforehand, and had no doubt I would like him. Internet dating horror stories of people looking nothing like their photos in person and worrying that we'd have nothing to talk about plagued me until I opened the door and found a handsome man waiting to take me out and show me a good time. He was sweet, interesting, and funny, but I didn't really feel any connection between us, and when I went on my first date with the next guy and felt actual sparks fly, I knew that #1 was destined to be a single date only.
Date #2 made up for his lack of height with his tremendous silent poise, which made my heart race a bit when I first saw him walk up to me at our intended meeting spot at the Fairfax flea market. His bright blue eyes were piercing and even more dramatic because the rest of his face was hidden behind an unruly beard (something I'm quite fond of). We went on quite a few dates before I realized that his silent poise was almost impossible to crack, so I moved on.
In between date #2 and my final date, there are a slew of nice, charming, attractive guys who had interesting, promising careers and seemed genuinely interested in me...none of whom I felt any connection to or impulse to get to know better. I must say that going on date after date with guys of this caliber and feeling NOTHING in the way of flutter in your heart or fire in your loins can start to make a girl feel like there is absolutely no hope for her, and that she might as well resolve herself to a life of feline companions and solo romps with her vibrator.
By the time my last first dates rolled around - the second to last being a cute but nerdy motorcycle aficionado with a passion for falafels - I got myself ready with less enthusiasm than I can muster even for the gym. I smudged some makeup over my face, donned an acceptable outfit, and trudged to our designated falafel-eating meeting spot, bemoaning the loss of that wonderful nervous feeling one is supposed to experience when dating. He was nice, I was charming, neither of us bothered contacting the other after our first date.
My online dating life ended with a mean, 3 a.m. drunken voicemail from the very last of the contenders who wanted an explanation as to why "Los Angeles girls suck". Sadly, I couldn't give him that explanation, and we went our separate ways. He was a funny, intelligent Ira Glass-look-alike from Chicago who was going to school for a noble profession. He was so right on paper, but I realized I had dodged a bullet by following my gut and ending things with him when he left me that message.
I took my profile down the next day.
I'm blissfully, happily single again.
Have you ever gone on an Internet date? Tell me your happy and/or horror stories!!!
23 comments:
I actually have an OKC account as well, though I don't pay much attention to it anymore. Half the people who contacted me looked like meth was their way of life, and the other half couldn't string a sentence together to save their life.
I met one or two nice people, but by far, it was a rather negative experience. But seriously... is decent grammar so hard to grasp?
My experience was pretty much the same as yours. Three bad dates in one month. Also thought it would be good blog material, then didn't post for months.
Bad dates courtesy of OkCupid, yes, definitely.
But, right when I was about to delete my account, I decided to take up one fellow for a final Say Goodbye to Online Dating date. I skipped the usual one or two week-long "courtship," and replied to his initial message to me with "Sounds good, let's give it a shot." I went into the date with a completely open mind and no preconceptions about who he was or wasn't.
That was over a year ago, and we're still together. The real problem is that "OkCupid" is a terribly boring answer to the question, "How'd you meet?"
It's much better for stories of bad dates and secret fatties/drug addicts.
I actually dated some menz on MySpace (sorry! I didn't know any better!!)...mostly, those dates ended horrendously, with the exception of the last, who is my boyfriend now of nearly three years. My tactic was to be as horribly caustic (but funny!) as possible on my profile page and see who had the guts to still talk to me. I probably enjoyed the whole experience much more than I should have...
I still have an OKC account, but I never respond to messages because I am a bad person. I met a handful of guys in person (most fizzled out in the email phase), and actually was sort of friends with some of them for a while. I did "date" one, and by "date" I mean "have inappropriate relations with", but that ended when I realized what a douchenozzle he was - that's also when I decided not to meet any more guys online. He still tried to contact me for about a year after we first met, but he must have eventually realized that my silent treatment wasn't just me being forgetful or busy because I haven't heard from him in 6 months. Good riddance.
I put my OK Cupid account on hold for about ...9 months or so, because it got me a boyfriend (after several dates that ranged from pathetic to okay). It's pretty rare to find someone as cool, or cooler, than you are, but it's not impossible.
As the OK Cupid bf and I are cooling it, I guess I'll have to get back to it, but ... I'm not in a rush. It was pretty depressing for me. I'm 34, divorced, and honest: internet dates are not looking for me.
Yup. Right before Achilles and I started dating I joined an online dating site. I had a couple of bad dates, but not so bad that they were interesting enough to blog about. I decided it wasn't for me, but I do think it was a good call to get out there a bit.
I met my boyfriend on OkC after about 2 years of creating and deleting profiles on various dating sites. Lots of bad dates, lots of fun dates that went no where. I had a lot of fun getting out of the house though - I think just the act of meeting new people and exploring relationships can be beneficial for your well-being, at least mine. But yeah, after all that I went out with a guy that seemed very typical but has been the most amazing addition to my life. And even though I live in a small city, I never would have met him except on one of those silly websites, so I'm grateful.
If your mind/soul/whatever isn't in it, then it's not worth your time. Focus your energies elsewhere and concentrate on being a happy camper!
Welcome to the dark side, mwa ha ha... :) I think you are so right on the money with this, how the whole online dating thing can become such a chore, which sucks the fun out of the whole thing. I quit the online dating world about 6 months ago and I've never looked back. And while I may not be "happily" single, I think I'm finally able to accept it for what it is, and not agonize over it so much. When I was on OKC it was just such a constant reminder that I was single single single, whereas now I don't have to think about it as much, if that makes any sense, and it's just such a relief. Whew! :)
I remember when I was kid being horrified by salmon spawning tanks at certain national parks in Kentucky. The poor bastards packed in like sardines (METAPHOR! MIXED! MIXED, MIXED METAPHOR!), struggling over and under and beside one another; the weird clinical feeling, the even concrete rows, all that business.
These memories returned whenever I would log onto PlentyOfFish or Match. It was this sense that we, The Individual Consumers, are being flowed into a spawning/marriage tank. Is that where love happens now?
The numbness a rapid-fire series of unsatisfying dates causes is terrifying. It made me think of performing comedy back in New York: same jokes, different night. How many times can someone say where they're from, what they do, what their "passions" in life are until the words and memories just become another bad stand-up routine?
I'm sure it can work; I've known people for whom it's worked brilliantly, in fact. But I don't really dig feeling like a fish in a tank, you know?
I tried an account on OKC for a few months and found it pretty lacking as well. Everyone I met was not necessarily bad, but just... average.
I find it a little quaint when people act like online dating is something to be embarrassed about... I met the guy I ended up marrying on the onion/nerve/salon personals in 2003.
I don't really think there is a characteristic that can be applied to the 'type' of people you meet online, because it's as varied a the 'types' of people you meet in bars, through friends, etc. etc. It's a cross-section of society. Just about everyone's at least tried it.
so we know i'm obsessed with you and your blog and i have a better day when you post - so i'm leaving you an award (that i'm fairly sure you already have but that's fine). come find it at justsayingblog.com
I've never dated via a love site, but I did IRC in my teens and met up with a guy. We were just friends and we clicked but it fizzled out (I stopped picking up the phone and let my roommate lie for me) and I still have his Celestine Prophecies book which he lent me and told me I had to be very careful with it 'cause it was his guidance. I hated it after reading the first chapter. God, I am awful.
I can't decide whether six dates in two months makes you an OKC badass, or if it's just that way all the time for girls. Dudes are much less lucky!
I was happy to read Lin's comment - that even though she had to spend some time searching, her perseverance saw her to the other side.
I've been internet dating (or at least, looking at profiles and sending emails) for...dang...like 4 years now. I'm on OKC, Yahoo Personals, Plenty of Fish, and eHarmony. The lattermost absolutely blows douchnozzles (thx Cait), PoF needs an html makeover, Y!P is full of fake profiles (I'm guessing 60%ish); OKC is the best site I've seen - free or paid.
Internet dating can be a real pain in my ass (and hard on my ego) - I'm straight, despite those poorly juxtaposed turns-of-phrase - but I'm still trying. I don't think it's anything to be embarrassed about.
The way life is set up for me right now, I don't have much opportunity to meet different/new members of the opposite sex, and I'm absolutely horrified as coming off as creepy or inappropriate with new acquaintances or strangers, so internet dating is the perfect format for me - we're (theoretically at least) all there for the same reason.
I blog (read: whine) about internet dating pretty regularly too. I don't think eHarmony would let me back on even if I asked.
I found your blog thru TNR.
I'm an online dater and have more bad first dates than I care to share. Well actually I have on my own blog.
Regardless, I like your blog and looking forward to reading more entries.
~Being Samiantha
internet dating is no good! it seems so easy and you figure with all the people who use the freaking internet, you'd be fishin' in a big pond here and find someone who is PERFECT for you but ALAS.
i went on a couple of internet dates. the first was to meet a friend i met off one of my old blogs. he was cute and nerdy and just my type. it seemed like a great idea, we got along like best friends, his family owns a HUGE company, they had a gulfstream jet, which seals almost ANY deal for me. it didn't work out because i'm 'too fast', which has NEVER been a complaint before. we still keep in touch, which is weird but not awkward like it would be with a real life boyfriend.
the second and last internet date i went on was a 'myspace hookup' type thing. some hot shot player douche with dumb spikey blonde gelled hair and a popped shirt collar invited me to his party. i wanted to feel cool so i went and decided it would be a good idea to sleep with this guy because he was such a tool i couldn't get over it. i thought he'd forget about me the next day but i ended up having to change my number because he wouldn't leave me alone.
i can safely report, that after doing both sides of the internet dating thing, that it is NO GOOD, my friend, and i will stick to picking up men at work and bars and on the street. or at least i would if i didn't have a husband to get in the way of it.
I met my girlfriend on OKC and we just hit the 6 month mark. I've never been happier. There is hope y'all.
I have never looked down on internet dating, since the internet isn't just filled with the nerds and weirdos that were on Prodigy and AOL in the early days, but never really tried it out. After having several bad encounters with people I met in the "real life," I signed up and took some satisfaction in being able to semi screen people. The people in real life I was "dating" dropped some bomb shells on me so I figured this would at least eliminate some of that.
After a few coy emails back and forth, we decided to meet at a show and it was one of the best things I ever did. If it wasn't for OKC, I probably would have never met her since she was new to the city, lived on the other side of town and doesn't have a license.
While there were a few other email exchanges with others, she was the only one I ever arranged to meet. So glad I did.
It sounds like that one guy left you a drunk message! I ignore messages from folks if I'm not interested, instead of politely declining to engage. This one guy, though, demanded to know why I wasn't responding to his first message and asked if it was because he was a fat loser! Haha. It was sad. Time the message was sent? About 4:30 in the morning. I was in NY at the time and thats when our bars close so I assume he tottered home and sent me that delightful message. Anyways, I also ignored THAT message. And he continued to view my page, like obsessively. His profile would constantly rise to the top of the "Who's viewing you" page. I was on Match and they couldn't do anything about it, as in block him from viewing my page. I let it go on for a month until I emailed him and told him I knew what he was doing and that it was super creepy. Then I cussed him out a bit and that was the last I heard or saw of him!
All that being said, I met two great guys on Match. The first automatically landed in the friend zone and the second we dated for a while but ended things nicely. Those were my only dates and they were great and not awkward because I managed to figure out whether we were going to have a good time at the very least, and not so much if we had sparks. Sparks are very hard to come by.
I've dated about the same number of women through dating sites. I ended up staying with one of the first for nine months. After hitting the market again, I slept with two -- sometimes I do that on the first date -- of those, I'm still very good friends with one. The other three were also very eh, and I also got a really mean voicemail from one after I didn't follow up after our date. Still happily single. I think I have an ad still up buried somewhere that doesn't appear because I haven't logged in for months.
I once went on an OkCupid first date for which I flew 7000 miles. She picked me up at LAX and we were holding hands within the minute. I nearly married that girl.
I gotta admit, I feel pretty skeptical about online dating. There's something so disconnected-feeling about it, I dunno, it feels impersonal, like a living human being has been reduced to some quick stats and hobbies. Ewww!
That said, I've had huge dating success by starting my own blog and writing about my experiences. It's a form of "online dating" that was completely unintentional (I had no idea guys from all over the world would start pursuing me!) and feels much more personal (because I'm naturally attracting the guys who resonate with my writing).
I feel curious whether this has happened for you?
cheers,
Erika Awakening
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