There are many things one might miss when not in a relationship - when you're a single girl such as myself. Sure I miss having someone to talk to who has a vested interest in my life and my daily happiness, but I have close friends who fill that role pretty well. I'd love someone to cook for, and to have inside jokes with and rituals with including shunning the outside world to spend a Friday night watching our favorite movies, snuggled on the couch...but going out to a bar and having hilarious or heart-felt conversation with friends works for me, too.
I miss having sex, of course. I think about it a lot, despite what some people say about ladies thinking about it less than men...I don't think that's true. But I have an active imagination and the means to take care of that need by myself (ahem), so I can live without that for a while longer.
No, what I really miss is being touched. You don't think about how rarely that happens when you aren't single, do you? Just the basic physical act of touching, hugging, caressing, hands clasped together during a movie or over the table during dinner...these are things you can't find a good substitute for when you're single. It's something you take for granted a couple years into a relationship, but which, in the beginning, can send your heart rate through the roof and make your body feel electric.
It's something you notice, sometimes with great disdain, when you secretly peek at other couples while you're out and about. How does she wrap her arm around his waist? Are their fingers interlaced, or grasped like they're wearing mittens? Does he touch her face when he gives her an absent minded kiss while they wait for the light to change? You can't help it. You notice these things two times in your life: when you've just fallen madly in love with someone and the world around you is nearly brimming with happiness, and also when you've forgotten what it feels like to be in love, and you can't help but roll your eyes at these couples you stare at.
I've been on quite a few dates in the past couple months, thanks to an online venture that I'll possibly write about in the future, but aside from the two that lasted enough dates to finally end in a passionate kiss, my skin has lacked that magnificently strong caress from a guy who got as much of a thrill from touching me as I have from his touch.
This isn't meant to be a sad post. I'm an optimistic person and I know that someday, I too will be taking for granted the touch of that special someone once I finally open my cold, black heart enough to love. It's just, ya know, something that's been on my mind.
15 comments:
We are social creatures and touch is a big part of that.
It may not be a sad post but it sure as hell made me feel my own loneliness that much more acutely.
Excellent writing as always
Oh good Lord, this didn't help me AT ALL.
I enjoyed this post, as I do with most of your entries, because it reminded me of times in my life when just the touch of a hand, from a person my eye and mind were set on, could send 1.21 gigawatts through my heart. It's like the Beatles said... "And when I touch you I feel happy inside. It's such a feeling that my love I can't hide."
It's odd to me, since I generally hate to be touched... but when I have someone special.... someone for whom I have a particular interest, and whose well being is my foremost concern, just holding hands is better than damn near anything.
This post really clarified something for me. I was trying to explain to someone what a "gay boyfriend" is. I couldn't quite get it right. But what I just realized is that having one provides that closeness and touching. I can snuggle with or lean on my gay boyfriend, even hold his hand. It's no match for an actual significant other, but it's a good placeholder.
On an unrelated note: your blog finally got me to start listening to This American Life, so thanks for that!
I treated myself to a real massage a few days ago. Not very electric but very soothing and my back feels great. The experience is still indicative. How thrilling can paying for it ever be?
It's fascinating to watch couples at a party/bar/whatever; it's totally how I occupy myself. (Working on an advanced degree in creeper.)
I'm not a terrifically touchy person, but I used to be, and sometimes I miss that.
Please, please, please entry on dating sites?
I agree. I can go without sex to a point, but it's the handholding and snuggling I miss most when I'm not in a relationship. Would it be creepy to rent someone for this purpose? Yeah, probably . . .
I think what's even more tragic is when you do have the hand-holding, the neck-nuzzling, the cuddling and gentle caresses...but feel nothing.
Maybe I am wrong to crave solitude. Thanks for putting this into perspective.
So true and beautifully written!
By the way, just discovered your blog and am loving it! Keep up the great work!
I've never really thought about this before, but it's really true. I'm going to think about this when I'm holding my boyfriend's hand.
My boyfriend... arrr ammm my best firend whom I was dating (nevermind he had a girlfriend) just told me (i knew it already but he finally came clear) that ANOTHER girl just had an abortion... from his baby... its been 5 years with him as my closest friend, sortsa boyfriend whatever he´s been everything for me... and now I told him that was it... goodbye... I feel so alone and I miss his kisses, his hugs, his warm breath and his soft skin; I miss feeling safe surrounded by his armas and his kind words, his dirty words... all about him made me feel alive and now all its gone... and I dont know what to do... but this is a happy comment... wemay midd the good old stuff and maybe even cry for them but in the end... we´re not alone... we have friends, family an dpeople who care about us... even if not... we have ourselves.
fuck it! i miss him!...
Honestly, I would miss that SO much more than the sex. But, I am Le Sap. We know this :-)
Touching is definitely the thing I pine for the most being a single girl. I crave it. Perhaps this is why massages and getting my hair washed at the salon are extra fantastic.
Sometimes it is sad when too many people respond to a blog post, because it means we won't get Georgia's second take on the theme in the post :-(
Having just been "dumped" by my boyfriend, you have put exactly into words what it is that I miss most. Having had so much touching and now to have none at all - I miss it!
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