Domestic Tuesday/Wednesdays - Seducing Myself Wtih Yum

I initially wanted to make this recipe for my dad to thank him for installing my air conditioning unit a few weeks back, but we ended up just getting Zanko chicken instead. My dad loves turkey burgers, see, and I'm not a huge fan of them, so I thought I'd make em my damn self, so I could finally find out why he's such a fan.

My dad, photographed the first time he installed the AC unit. I've since had security bars put over my windows which meant he had to REinstall the damn thing. I love my dad.

So turkey burgers for my father wasn't meant to be, but I still had this craving for the recipe I had thrown together. Enter a friend coming over for dinner last night, and me not giving him any say in what we're eating, and then forcing my camera into his hands (thanks Dan!). I am a demanding friend, for sure. Luckily I repaid him in what was possibly (and I know I say this every damn week, but this time I SWEAR that it's the truth) the best thing I've ever made...and also with a mint It's It, which is probably the real reason he was so tolerant.

Turkey Burgers with Spicy Cole Slaw

Start by getting the burger mixture ready. You can really add anything to this, depending on what you like and what you have on hand. I used half a red onion, a handful of fresh cilantro, two cloves of garlic, one seeded jalapeno, and a few pinches of salt and pepper. You could also add some fresh spinach, green or red bell peppers, or any kind of vegetable you've got laying around about to go bad (assuming you're like me and buy produce with good intentions, but have bad follow-though).

I also unintentionally added a splash of red wine vinegar when for reasons I won't get into because it's embarrassing, but I think it helped enhance the flavor of the burgers. You could use balsamic, too.

Chop everything up by hand if you have to, or throw it in the food processor that you kiss goodnight before getting into bed, and have sweet, julienned dreams about while you sleep. Either way works

Next you're going to open a can of black beans, which means your cat is going to hear the can opener at work and will bug the shit out of you until you feed him whatever it is that's in the now-opened can.

If he's like Elvis, he's a fan of black beans and will be wholly satisfied by the few stray beans you offer him. The weirdo.

Meat. Looks gross.

Add the mixture, including about half a cup of the black beans, to the ground turkey.

It'll look totally gross.

Some people say you should do this part with your hands, but that sounds fucking horrible. No thanks.

Mixed! Set it aside and start on the cole slaw.

Half a head of purple cabbage. Normally one would take out the slicing attachment for one's food processor, but sometimes one is "lazy" and "doesn't feel like it", so she'll use the regular old blade and make something more likely to be called "cole mush" than "slaw". Tastes the same, whatever you decide.

Add a splash of orange juice.

And however much hot sauce you think you can handle. I used about two or three tablespoons, cause I'm a tough bitch.

The juice from half a lime, a handful of cilantro, salt and a ton of pepper, and a large splash of red wine vinegar (enter the happy accident that Incorporated this into the burgers) and you've got yourself one yummy fucking cole mush.

Mush in a vintage crystal bowl = klassy

Shape the burgers so they're...I dunno...burger-shaped?

This part was a mistake. I should have cooked them in a skillet or my trusty George Foreman grill. Oh well. They still tasted good, I'm just gonna have to scrub the ever-loving hell out of my grill pan once I finally get around to washing the dishes.

Shuck that shit.

The corn on the grill pan, though??? Holy fucking hell, THAT is the way to cook corn on the cob.

While you're waiting for the burgers to unstick themselves from the grill pan and the corn to brown, throw equal amounts butter and mayo into the food processor and toss a few chipotle peppers in adobe sauce in there with them. Then blend tell you're bored with blending.

Yep.

I toasted the buns and put a slice of pepper jack cheese on the burgers, along with a ton of the cole mush, and then coated the corn with the chipotle mixture.

Bitches, this was GOOOOOD. I guarantee if you make this for someone you're trying to seduce, you'll get some action (please tell me if this actually happens, cause that would be awesome).

Unfortunately, I was only trying to seduce myself last night.

It worked. I'm smitten.

Turkey burgers

1 pound ground turkey

1/2 a red onion

2 garlic cloves

1/2 a cup black beans

handful of cilantro

1 jalapeno, seeded

splash of red wine vinegar

Throw everything but the turkey into a food processor and the process it...or just chop it all up. Add it to the a bowl with the ground turkey and mix. Make patties. Cook the patties until they won't give you e coli. Throw some cheese on them or something.

Cole Mush

1/2 a head of purple cabbage

handful of fresh cilantro

splash of orange juice

a few shakes to a couple tablespoons of hot sauce

the juice from half a lime

salt and pepper

splash of red wine vinegar

Mix it all up till it looks like cole slaw.