Blog: It's Better Than Bad, It's Good

Why do I over share? Why have I always done that? Even before having this blog, a place where I consider it safe to share embarrassing, sad, shameful things about my past and present, I wasn't really a private person.

When I think about the people who read this blog, I feel as though you all know me very well. My friends who I know in "real life" are learning things about me that I wouldn't just bring up in day-to-day conversation, and I think it makes them feel closer to me. The people who read this that I've never met in person, most of whom I'll probably never meet in person, don't know the superficial things about me, like how I move my hands when I talk, how silly my laugh is when I think something is really funny, or how I have a tendency to playfully punch when I've been drinking...but they have a narrative of my life that is insanely personal, things that it would take much longer for them to find out if we had met in person.

I've always had a narrative of my life running through my head. It's almost as if I have written a million short, autobiographical stories throughout my life that I've just never, ya know, "written". I started this blog at the suggestion of C, my ex. He said I needed a creative outlet, and he was right. At the time, I was stagnant and scared of my future. What started as a place to write down those narratives, turned into something I just can't picture myself without. I wonder if C would have suggested I write, if he had known it would have been a catalyst to me breaking up with him and moving back to LA. Writing here gave me something to look forward to, as well as giving me my individuality back...something I think I lost in the five years we were together.

I want to be embarrassed about writing a blog, but I'm not. When someone mentions I'm a blogger, or that I have a blog, I may blush a little and say it's no big deal, but I'm secretly proud and I hope that person comes here and reads what I have to say. Perhaps I'm an attention whore, that's entirely possible (although I don't really think so)...it could be that I'm a show-off, and that I've convinced myself that I'm a good writer and want to prove it (that's more likely)...but I think I really just want people to know me, just as I would want to know them. These little stories about my past that I write, I know that everyone has them and that they're just as interesting as mine, if not more so. I want to hear them, I really do.

Since we can't sit in a dark bar and share stories over murky pints of beer, we write in our blogs, and hope that the people reading get a good idea of the person we used to be, the person we are, and the person we're trying to be. To me, blogging about your life, having the stories about your life out in the open for anyone to read, is almost like having proof that you exist. That the people you've encountered, the experiences you've had, and all the stupid, funny, embarrassing, heartbreaking things you've experienced in your life, have mattered.