A Mean Thing That I've Done:
When I was about three years old, I was playing with a little girl of similar age at the sandbox across the street from my house. This is probably one of my first memories.
I found a plastic spoon in the sand.
I scooped up a huge spoonful of sand, and fed it to the little girl.
My mom freaked, as did the mother of the other girl, who at this point was crying loudly and generally carrying on.
But!...dude, what kind of stupid little girl eats a spoonful of sand??? I mean really?
"Take it where you shake it" (©Kurt of OPE) , that's what I would have told them had I known how to put coherent sentences together and had yet learned the art of talking-back.
A Nice Thing That I've Done:
Picture this: I'm eating soup out of a bread bowl, which automatically means I'm happy, right? It's a chilly weekday afternoon in San Francisco, and I'm enjoying my lunch break from my Big Important Job by happily reading in a quiet cafe. The middle-aged woman (whom is a stranger to me) sitting at the table next to me seems to be enjoying her allotted time-off from work as well.
She's approached by an annoyingly friendly, also-middle-aged woman who greats her with obviously-fake warm greetings. I pretend to continue reading, even though I'm listening to their conversation, which is what I do when anyone near me is talking.
Then, this gem burst from the lips of Annoyingly Friendly Woman (or AFW):
"Oh!, are you pregnant?" she asks as she glances in the direction of the woman's belly (which is hidden by the table, btw, and even if it weren't, this women didn't seem pregnant at all).
I stop what I'm doing, completely shocked. The accused-of-being-pregnant-when-she's-obviously-not woman pauses, before choking out a polite "no".
AFW laughs off her mistake, oblivious to the fact that Obviously Not Pregnant (or ONP) Woman wants to curl up in her bread bowl and stay there forever, and flits away to eat join her equally-looking Ladies Who Lunch friend.
ONP gets up to leave. I can almost feel the weight of her mortification as she stands. Should I say anything??? Is it any of my business??? Will I want to kill myself if I don't say anything???...yes.
"Excuse me?" I say in a timid voice.
"Yeah?" ONP woman whispers.
"That woman is fucking bitch. You don't look pregnant at all."
"Really???" she asks, her eyes pleading with me.
"Yeah, I swear."
"Thanks."
And then she left. That was it.
*okay, now you go...comment with one nice thing and one mean thing that you've done. (please. I'm super bored at work today).
17 comments:
One mean thing: It was silent reading time in fourth grade when I had enough of the smart popular girl so I walked up, kicked her in the face and ran away. I recently found her on facebook and apologized. Although, was secretly loathing in the fact that she is now a farmer's wife and fat. Pay back is a bitch. Or I still am? Whatever.
One nice thing: I was driving by a busy intersection when I spotted an individual standing in the middle with a 'Need Money, No job' sign. It is typical of that intersection, and I have drove by this particular individual many times but something made me think different this one time. So I stopped, told him to jump into my mini van and took him over to Mc Donalds to have lunch with me and my kids. It was kinda fun.
I don't know why I don't read over comments before I push publish? But that loathing should read more along the lines of revelling. Would it be wrong to start drinking before noon? Cuz its been a day...
Have a great weekend Georgia
Well, what can I say besides I'm honored and, more importantly, TIWYSI's hit count is up to five. Thank you.
One mean thing. All too easy. In the dining hall at college, I said to a young woman, in front of all my friends, "Why don't you give me your number just is case Hell does freeze over." She laughed, but we don't know what she was thinking. Hopefully she forgot all about it.
One nice thing. I am thinking. Okay. A woman at work got in a car crash, and I loaned her my car for the week so she could drive to work and pick up her son, etc. I think I took the bus.
Louise: Your mean thing made me laugh so hard I almost spit up the root beer I had just taken a sip of. So freaking awesome. I wish I had had the guts to do something like that in 4th grade...the popular girl totall deserved it. Your nice thing is totally awesome, and also sets a really great example for your kids. Kudos to you! (also, it's probably noon somewhere...drink up!)
Kurt: Your mean thing is funny, and your nice thing is beyond nice. You deserve a kit kat...but since you probably don't have one, I'll eat one for you, okay? Good.
One mean thing: There is this woman whom I know from a women's group I go to, she is EXTREMELY annoying, to the point that when she speaks it feels like verbal diarrhea...so anyhow, she works at Walmart, and whenever I go there, I personally scout out which till she is at and go elsewhere. (I always kind of feel bad, because every single time I am ringing through she see's me and waves or I feel her staring at me waiting to acknowledge her)
One nice thing: I am particularly fond of leaving anonymous/random love notes for people to find. (I secretly wish I could stick around to see when people get them and their reaction because it would be fun but thats not really the point, its for each individual to be guided to that note at the right place and the right time...etc)
PS - Louise knows the annoying lady, she can attest to how annoying she really is.
Don't know if I'm following the rules here but this story reminded me of something that happened to me:
A coupl'a years ago I got into the elevator at work to go to the parking garage and there was this woman standing inside holding a huge bouquet of flowers with a horrible look on her face like her father just died. In the awkward silence I asked her what the occasion was for such an arrangement of flowers? She said her father just died and it was a gift from the office.
(long pause)
I said, "That's inappropriate, right?" She agreed and we left the elevator.
Just a spoonful of sand helps the medicine go down
the medicine go down
the medicine go down
In a most delightful way!
once i key some mofo's car,because as i was sitting in my truck,this idiot slams open his car door against my truck,didnt even look at me,he just casually walked to the post office.i felt bad afterwards...any karma from this event i dont know.
oh....i was at a taco shack(Taco Nazo)in city of industry,(sidenote...very good baja style fish tacos).in the middle of my seafood bless,came this little puppy,he went around and around the patio,but no one would feed him,so i decided "i will feed you..you little monkey"
like a nurturing mother,i picked off the deep fried breading off the fish,made sure there were no hot sauce on the plate,nothing is as bad as a puppy with a hershey squirt problem...i also added some rice for fiber,lettuce and tomatos.
as i drove away,the little guy was chilling on the grass,looking very happy,ready to get scooped up, by the homie in the regal.
hi Georgia,
I just read through your blog going way back to 1989. Nice job, especially the part where you were blogging before the invention of the Internet. Oh, my name is Chuck and I met you last night at Susan's birthday. The writing is good. I like your going to back to old Jewish LA the best. Very unique. And you manage to capture your personal way of talking/being that I enjoyed when I met you. bye, Chuck
hi Georgia,
I just read through your blog going way back to 1989. Nice job, especially the part where you were blogging before the invention of the Internet. Oh, my name is Chuck and I met you last night at Susan's birthday. The writing is good. I like your going to back to old Jewish LA the best. Very unique. And you manage to capture your personal way of talking/being that I enjoyed when I met you. bye, Chuck
first of all, "happily reading in a quite cafe"? Q-U-I-E-T. second thing, I rarely remember the nice things...
One mean thing: At my last job, the secretary who sat in the same cubicle cluster as me used to hum. ALL. DAY. LONG. EVERY. DAY. It drove me to distraction, but I never said anything about it until the Monday morning after the weekend I got dumped by my fiance. I was devastated but for some reason came in to work anyway. She walked in humming some stupid tune and I couldn't take it anymore, I snapped at her "Shut UP Patricia, for the love of God, nobody wants to listen to you humming." And she didn't know I'd been dumped. I never apologized.
One nice thing: I was in line at the grocery store behind an old lady who was clearly hard up for cash. She had picked out 5 items and counted up what she thought the total would come to, and had the cash ready. When the cashier rang them up, the total was higher than she expected. She didn't have enough extra change to cover the difference so after a couple of minutes trying to decide which item she would do without (they were all basic necessities), tears welled up in her eyes as she chose to leave behind a bag of cat food.
When it was my turn at the cash, I bought the cat food and took it out to her in the parking lot. She was overwhelmed with gratitude. It was really humbling.
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Helping the poor is a kind thing to do but they should help themselves as well.
I have to understand that helping another human being is something extraordinary, but i'm not feeling it.
I really like your post as it describe s a lot of issues of modern times.
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