I recently asked a male friend of mine to respond to my post, 3 Seemingly Obvious Ways to Make a Girl Happy, with a guest-post in order to get a man's perspective. I decided to post it in its entirety and not to censor it in any way, even though I don't totally agree on all his opinions (although they're still very entertaining). Okay, I'll shut up now.
3 (of Many) Things That Women Do That Drive Men Nuts
3 (of Many) Things That Women Do That Drive Men Nuts
First let me preface by saying that I decided to post as anonymous, because I'm a pretty private person by nature, but more importantly, so I can be very, very honest, without having to worry about scrutiny from random strangers or professional associates.
A little primer on me: I'm a mid-twenties male, recently out of a long and very happy relationship that ended because our lives were taking us in different directions. My dating life started around the age of 18 and has been relatively steady ever since. I've dated the gamut of women in regards to ethnicity, personality, body type and have been involved in at least one abortion, one court case, two suicide attempts, three femi-nazi attacks and countless other interesting situations. But I'm more calm, collected and easy going now than I've ever been. I've always been told to learn from my mistakes, and I think I've adhered pretty well to that statement over the course of my life. What follows is not the ramblings of a bitter young man, they're the truths that all men who have dated more than a few girls, eventually come to understand, but can't really say most of the time.
First, I'd like to respond to Georgia's 3 Simple and Obvious things from a male point of view.
1) Being On Time. I somewhat agree here. I say you give a 15 minute grace period before you either are owed a call or text message saying that theyre running late or you are free to leave and go do something else. But only if the guy has told you that he will be there at a specific time. Unless I say "I'll be there at 8 o'clock." don't expect an exact time. If I give a vague time, it's because I'm not sure and don't want you pacing at 8:05, wondering where I am. If I give an exact time, it's because I'm sure. Don't confuse the two. The biggest thing women don't understand about men, is that when we talk, we say exactly what we mean and mean exactly what we say. There are no hidden meanings and we're not saying something other than what is coming out of our mouths. So if we say 8-ish, we mean any time that has an 8 in it, that includes 8:59. But if we say 8:30, then we mean it, and if we're not there and didn't give a heads up, you have every right to leave.
2) Act Interested In Her. I'm in full agreement here. Like Georgia, I'm fascinated with people's lives as well (which is what brought me to her wonderful blog!), so I really like to listen and ask questions and am usually very interested in what they are saying. But, BUT, it weirds me out a little bit when I'm told too much information, too soon. I had a girl tell me that her father made her jack him off in the shower, not more than twenty minutes after we met! For me personally, I like dating and relationships to play out like flowers: growing and blossoming slowly. I recently dated a girl who spilled her guts and then got very upset when I didn't give up all my secrets. I thought her stories were great, but for me, I just don't get too deep with someone unless I'm very comfortable with them. And that takes a while, normally months or quarters/halves of years.
3) Be A Gentleman. This is a tough one. I'm 50/50 on this. Some of these things I do, and not because I feel obligated, but as I got older, I find that I like doing them. In a weird way, even though I still feel like a 12 year-old on the inside, it makes me feel like a man. And if I know the girl appreciates it and it isn't expected of me, I enjoy it even more. It's when it is expected, nay, sometimes demanded that I get turned off to being chivalrous and won't do it solely out of spite.
(on to the things that drive men nuts)
1) This is only a small portion of what I call the "Going Overboard" series. This time I will discuss appropriate makeup usage and proper grooming habits.
Makeup: I've come to the realization that most women don't dress themselves up for men, they do it for other women. So when you put on all that concealer, blush, lipstick, eyeshadow, bronzer, etc, etc, etc. etc. we get nothing out of it but a good chuckle about who hired Bozo the Clown to appear that night. You could have more zits than a clerk at McDonalds, but if given the choice of having you cover it all up and having those dry, scaly, cracked mounds all over your face, or having those red bumps visible, I'd choose the red bumps any day. Hell, I'd even help you pop those suckers! Natural is always, ALWAYS better.
The fairer sex is a work of art. Each artwork is different and each has their own charm and way of being beautiful. But makeup takes all that away. Loads of makeup immediately screams these things: insecurity, high maintenance, trashy, and just generally undesirable. Most girls don't understand this for some reason. While you might think it makes you look matte and like a movie star, in person, it makes you look like a MAC counter girl(if you're an employee there, I apologize, but I couldn't be paid to be seen with you). One of my rules is that if I can tell she's wearing a lot of makeup, it's a pass, without even having to talk to her. And don't get me started on red lipstick. It looks awful! No one, and I mean, NO ONE looks good in red lipstick. Even my beloved Georgia can't pull it off, and that's saying something. I think the rule of two works best here: You get two, maaaybe three, make up items to wear before you start looking ridiculous.
Grooming: While I have encountered some things that might make your stomach turn, on a whole, most women are pretty good about this. I still think its necessary to discuss though. Girls, we like you as smooth and hairless as possible. If you have arm hair that's a shade darker than blonde and longer than an inch or two, you need to take care of it. If you have a happy trail, even if it's blonde, it's gross. If you have a peach fuzz mustache, regardless of how invisible you think it is, its visible, and it's very gross. If you think retro bush is coming back and youre hoping to lead the charge, that's grossest of all. A girl who takes care of herself and keeps herself groomed, is a very, very sexy girl. In my travels, I've found that white girls tend to be the biggest offenders here. This is the one the few areas where deviating from the "natural is beautiful" is not only ok, it is expected. I've found that latin, south american and most middle eastern girls really understand the importance of proper grooming and maintenance (they also know a thing or two about proper make up application). Take notes from them. Do yourselves and us a favor and shave or wax or get laser all that hair off. And don't use the argument that itll grow back thicker and darker, or that its not natural, because we don't care. If it's not taken care of, we'll simply move onto someone who will take care of it.
2) Expecting us to understand what you want or need, without having to be smacked over the head with it.
Like I said earlier about men being literal, this is where you ladies get into a lot of trouble. Unless you tell us you want something, or need something, or are feeling something, we probably, actually, I'll go a step further and say we definitely won't figure it out. I can't even count how many times I've had to say this to women: "I'm not a mind reader. I don't know what you're thinking. What you think is blatantly obvious, isn't. So either tell me, or stop getting mad at me." So either tell us what the problem is, or what you want, or don't. But keep reading on to the next point if you want to bottle it up and blow up at us down the road.
3) You fight with us over stupid shit, all the time.
Some of the arguments I've gotten into stem from points number 1 and number 2. The rest are about nothing worth fighting over. It's my opinion that 99.9% of fights are completely and utterly unnecessary. I was recently dating a girl who decided to fight with me over saying goodbye to someone she didn't think I should be saying goodbye to. Without saying another word, I grabbed my stuff, walked out the door and that was the last I saw of her. My rule is that you get 3 fights with me in a lifetime, provided we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. So if you try and fight with me while we're just casually dating -forget it- I'm already driving away and pitying the next poor sucker who puts up with your bullshit before you even know I'm gone.
I've found that the people who say that fighting is a normal part of any relationship, are the people you don't want to be in a relationship with. My last girlfriend and I had exactly two fights over the course of our four years together and it was pure and absolute bliss. Contrast this with my first girlfriend at 19, who fought with me all the time and basically made my life a living hell. I promised myself when we broke up, that I would never put up with that ever again, and so far, I haven't and life has been grand. So please do all of us men a favor and don't fight with us... ever.